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Five Easy Steps To Working From Home

 

Multilevel marketing is not a pyramid scheme. It’s simply a product distribution system which uses a tiered incentive model to build on recruitment rather than actual product sales. That recruitment starts at a wide base, where the lowest earners begin. Each tier is narrower as you go up, indicating a smaller concentration of higher paid earners.   To give you a visual, it looks a bit like this;

Pyramid-scheme-example-1024x606

Wait – that’s a fucking pyramid!

I bring this up because I got this earlier.

message 1

And of course, my response;

message 2

I get a weird amount of these messages. I think because I pushed a human out of my body 15 years ago, I’m considered a prime  victim prospect for schemes like these. But the thing is, I already work from home and I didn’t even need to get sucked into an MLM scheme to do it. You can do it too. The steps are easy!

Step 1 – Select an area of interest that’s conducive to a work from home environment

Not all jobs can be done from home, so of course, you’re going to need to look for jobs that allow you to work with just an internet connection. Luckily, there are a plethora of opportunities out there and competition is very low because no one else wants to work from home. You’re the only one.

Just kidding. There are a limited number of opportunities that generally go to a small pool of candidates who have significant experience in their field. That brings us to step two.

Step 2 – Gain experience

This one is super easy. First, you just need to save up one year’s salary so you can support yourself as you work for a wide range of people who think that what you charge is too much and that you should just be working for exposure. At the same time, you’re going to need to go back to school so you can gain the certifications and education you need to stand out and charge rates on par with market average.

Now, it usually only takes about 10,000 hours of study to become an expert in your field. Sure, that sounds easy, but remember, you’re going to need to support yourself during those 10,000 hours of studying. That means taking on many, many jobs for cut rates as you compete with people from foreign countries who can afford to do it for less – and first world assholes who are doing it for free for the ‘exposure’ (while driving down the price of your work) . All of this is easily accomplished with a year or two of 80 to 120-hour work weeks.

That brings us to step 3.

Step 3 – Embrace crippling loneliness and isolation

While you’re working from home, alone, during these extended hours, it’s likely you won’t have the time, nor the money, to maintain most of your non-business relationships. On top of that, the long, lonely silent days will begin to get to you, until after awhile, you forget how to communicate with people at all.

You’ll begin playing true crime documentaries in the background as you work, just so the voices will create any kind of quasi-human connection. As you learn the details of literally every murder for the last century through osmosis, you will soon become convinced that everyone you have met or will meet in the future is a sex murderer. You will begin drinking to fill the hole inside of you – which brings us to step 4.

Step 4 – Cultivate Important business relationships

About 25% of a business’ net profit comes from 5% of its client base. That 5% represents the clients that you never drunkenly tell to fuck off – due to the aforementioned alcoholism developed in Step 3 – and will represent the majority of your business in the future. You will do anything for these clients and will stay up at night, crippled with anxiety as you realize these clients could have anyone.  Why do they stay with you? Is it pity? Is it laziness?

This will drive you to send an awkwardly worded ‘look, I just want to know where this relationship is going’ email at 4 o’clock in the morning. One of two things will happen. They will either dump you for your annoying insecurity or offer you a full time, telecommute position. That brings us to Step 5.

Step 5 – Profit

So really, all you have to do to work from home is save lots of money, take massive risks, spend hours upon hours upon hours working, give up all holidays, give up your social life, give up your dignity, health and sanity and maybe, just maybe you can work from home too.

Look, all sarcasm aside, what I’m trying to say is anyone who tells you that they have a great work from home, no experience necessary opportunity is a fucking scammer.    Actually getting to a point where you are able to work from home, in stable, gainful employment takes dedication, skill and is not nearly as fun as most people seem to think it is.

MLMs are scams. They are simply pyramid schemes with shitty products thrown in so they can meet some kind of legal loophole that doesn’t make them ‘legally’ scams. This allows the person at the tip of your pyramid to take all your money – completely legally — and write off all responsibility when the scam falls apart. Even now, politicians are funding their reelection campaigns with money directly from these pyramid schemes.

No, I’m not exaggerating. Look it up.

So MLM’s aren’t going anywhere anytime soon and neither are you if you sign on with one of these shady companies. If you really want to work from home, it takes sacrifice. It takes dedication. It takes complete willingness to make your entire life about work.

There is no such thing as a three-hour workweek. There is no such thing as easy money. There are no ‘easy’ steps to working from home. Working from home is hard.

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

One thought on “Five Easy Steps To Working From Home

  1. I presently work from home and I cannot get over what an awesome boss I am. I start my shift whenever I want, I let myself come to work in sweats, and I never sexually harass myself. Sadly, I’m not very productive. Self-discipline is definitely a skill needed to work in an environment where you are accountable only to yourself. You being former military, I imagine you’ve got that skill nailed down on all four corners.

    Speaking of military, I think LulaRoe should be outlawed. This company preys on military spouses who struggle to find work in a conventional way because they are subject to constant relocation. I’ve heard horror stories about this company.

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