Generally, envy isn’t something I feel, except for when I’m dealing with one being on this entire planet who I would choose to be if given the opportunity.
That would be my dog. My dog spends her days napping, eating and being told how cute she is. No cleaning, no work, no cooking…no responsibility. So this weekend, I decided to try it, to see if the grass really was greener.
Our weekend starts on Saturday around noon. We roll out of the bed and go outside for our morning walk. After briefly chasing some squirrels, which we have no idea what to do with if we catch, we return home and lay down on the couch. No hair or tooth brushing. No coffee. Just an immediate midmorning nap.
Around 2 in the afternoon, we wake up and switch couches. We take a mid-afternoon nap as we are very exhausted the earlier nap.
At about 4 pm, a person pulls into our parking lot. We both immediately race to the door, sure that they are drug dealers, terrorist, burglars or all three. We glare at the individual walking past our apartment, growling under out breath until he is completely out of sight.
I’ve never seen an elderly man with a walker move so fast!
We returned to the couch, but this time, choose to lay upside down. Constant vigilance is exhausting. We go back to sleep.
We awake and realize we are hungry. My son is eating something. We both stare at him until he feeds us too.
Back to sleep.
We wake up on Sunday. Sophia looks no worse for wear, but my hair has tangled into a knot in the back of my head that no tool made by man can separate. I follow Sophia’s morning grooming routine, that mainly involves scratching my butt for 30 minutes straight. I try to lay back down on the couch, but can not get into a comfortable position.
I follow Sophia’s lead and walk in a circle 3 times before laying back down again. Despite the fact that my position has not changed, I have to admit that it feels much better.
After another 4 hour nap, I give up on my dog’s life. Sure, all the napping is great, but it gets boring after awhile. Plus, barking at every neighbor who pulls into my complex is starting to get weird. In addition, in all the time I’ve been laying on the couch no one has petted me or told me how cute I am once!
Sophia is much better at this than I am.