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No One Cares About Your IQ…and You Are Still an Idiot

Today, when I was supposed to be working, I instead was lurking in a forum. It was a reader’s forum. I like those because they have the very best fights. At one point, a literary author came on and asked questions about ‘dumbing down’ his books.

At which point, everyone got offended and accused the guy of everything from being condescending, to puppy murder. Seriously, I’m pretty sure you would find more civility in a white power chat room than you would on most reader’s forums.

But that’s not what today’s post is about. Instead, it is just giving the background story for one of my pet peeves. The ‘my IQ is…” random statement.

As the fight reached its climax, one poster loudly declared “my IQ is 138 and also I’m in Mensa.”

And I wanted to respond “well, I’ve never been dumb enough to pay someone to tell me how smart I am…and I’m also a member of the Gray’s Papaya ‘Hot Dog of the Month’ club.”

Look people, when you tell me your alleged IQ like I’m supposed to care, I think one of three things.

  1. A really smart person would know that trying to impress people with an IQ score sounds pretentious and desperate
  2. Apparently, anyone with $29.95 can get a piece of paper that tells them they’re in the top 95%
  3. Who gives a fuck?

For the most part, unless you have been in a monitored environment, taking a test that covers a range of different variables, your IQ test is invalid, a scam, or both. For example, I went online and picked the fist IQ test I could find. Here are my results;

Do you know how I got that result that tells me I’m ‘above average’? I closed my eyes and clicked until the test was done.

Also, when you tell me that you’re a member of Mensa, know that I’m laughing my ass off on the inside. Know why? Because you just paid a nonprofit company anywhere from $30 to $100 to tell you that you’re smart, and then another $52 per year so you can say “I’m in Mensa’ to random people you meet on the internet.

Well done, genius.

You know who the real geniuses in Mensa are? Whoever is collecting that $82 per person, times 50,000. That’s more than 4 million bucks a year people… TAX FUCKING FREE.

Look, am I saying that members of Mensa are really idiots? No, actually the tests Mensa administers come about as close as you can to accurately testing base intelligence and learning ability. What I’m saying is that these people are emotional idiots. Going around telling people how smart you are is like me going around telling everyone how great in bed I am.

Sure, it’s true, but I keep that info on a need-to-know basis. Otherwise, I just look like I’m bragging. I’m not joining a club for the 2% out there who are great in bed. I’m not paying $49.99 at the ‘University of Sexual Prowess’ to take a test to prove how great in bed I am. I just know I’m great in bed. That’s enough for me.

Of course, if you’re joining Mensa to get into college and to impress prospective employers, I get it. But if you join Mensa just so you can brag about your IQ and tell strangers how smart you are, know that just about everyone listening to you is rolling their eyes.

And we all think you’re an idiot…regardless of your high IQ.

2 thoughts on “No One Cares About Your IQ…and You Are Still an Idiot

  1. IQ matters in children and pre-teens. It matters to parents when we are fighting schools, school boards and frankly teachers who are teaching to the middle and ignorning why are children are acting out in their classrooms (boredom).

    Unless your genius is applied to curing cancer or something else truly earth shattering, IQ stops mattering in adulthood (usually). So I agree with you entirely.

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