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How to Not Wind Up With Naked Pictures of You All Over the Internet

I learned a new phrase today. It’s called ‘Revenge Porn.’

I initially thought it was referring to the movie “I Spit on Your Grave”, however, it’s actually referring to when an ex, or anyone else, posts naked pictures of you online without your consent.  I learned about it because of a bill that was passed in California, making it illegal.


Weirdly, I thought something like this would already be illegal, but no. So people, if you don’t want to see your naked ass in someone else’s Facebook stream, there are a few things you all need to consider.

Your iPhone is not secure

The iPhone seems to be the biggest partner in crime when it comes to revenge porn. In some cases, these pictures are obtained by someone sending them to someone else. However, you don’t need to send the photo anywhere for it to get snatched. Even if you just took a picture of your junk when you were wasted, giggled and never sent it anywhere, it’s still not safe. As long as that picture is in that phone, someone can get it.

Whenever you talk on the phone, surf the web or text your friends, you are sending out a wave of data. This wave of data can be ridden backwards to get into your phone. Most times, you won’t even notice anything is happening until you’re staring at that mole on your ass on Google. This doesn’t just apply to phones either. This also applies to laptops and iPads.

Hot spot aren’t just hot spots for you. They are hotspots for hackers. For god sakes, learn what a VPN is and use it.

That person you love will eventually be the asshole you hate.

No one in the history of digital pornography has ever said the following sentence. “Gee, I’m so glad that my ex has those naked pictures of me.” Keep in mind that the cute nudie shot you sent could eventually become something much worse; leverage.  If you absolutely must send a naked shot, do what Craigslist NSA browsers have been doing for years and take the shot from your neck down. If they can’t see your face, they can’t prove shit.

Web cams can get hacked

You know where my webcam is right now? Face down on my desk. My webcam on my mac has a little thimble cover I designed that I can pop into place. That way, if someone were to get access to my web cam remotely, they’re not getting shots of me sitting topless in front of my computer. They are getting shots of the surface of my desk or the inside of a thimble.   

Know your rights

Just because this does not rise to the level of criminal activity does not mean it is not a civil infraction. If someone wants to display your pictures in a public place for money or advertising, even if you’re wearing a burqa in the fucking thing, they need a release. If they don’t there are a wide range of complaints you could file. This only applies to pictures taken with your consent. I hear a lot of bullshit about how if you gave someone the pictures, they’re that person’s property and they can do what they want with them. Not true. You still own your image and you are allowed to tell people what they may and may not do with that image. This specifically applies when the photo is uploaded to a commercial site. Private pictures can not be used for commercial purposes.

Also, this is not defamation or libel. I hear people throw those words around way too much. Defamation is a false, inflammatory statement made about one person to a third party. Libel is writing that statement down for viewing of a third party. Neither of these have anything to do with nude pics, unless your head is getting pasted onto a nude body that isn’t yours.

Finally, if someone takes a nude photo without your consent, this is a crime in every state in the nation. If the way they gained access to those photos falls under the definition of hacking across state lines, this is a federal crime.

I hate to be the one to blame the victim, I really do, but people, operate a little common sense. If you don’t want it on the internet, don’t put it on your computer. I have to admit, I do have a bit more sympathy for those who have been hacked, over those who handed over nude pictures. Either way, treat your computer and your devices with suspicion. They are not your friends. They are stupid machines that can be easily manipulated. Remember that, and chances are, you’ll make it through life without having to worry about getting posted on amateurdirtysluts.com.

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